


saturday | peterick/fall out boy

by thmmrs



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-18 04:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5898718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thmmrs/pseuds/thmmrs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why does life always have to be so hard? Why all these problems? And why this constant struggle with self-esteem? I already keep questioning myself those things all day when things get even tougher - I had thought I was straight for 31 years. But was I actually bisexual? Or was this just really close friendship? What did Pete really mean to me? As if life wasn't hard enough already. Note: I wanted to hurt neither Elisa nor Meagan, so I'm just pretending they both don't exist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crawling Into Bed With You

I was lying in my hotel bed and crying silently.

'I got troubled thoughts...' a voice sang into my ear, being familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Actually it was my voice. It always had sounded terrible to me, but when I listened to a record, it was quite okay I guess.

But it wasn't the voice making me uncomfortable when I listened to this record, it was the circumstances.

My best friend, Pete, had written this song for me...my best friend lying in the room next to me, probably fast asleep. Hardly surprising, it was far past midnight.

My thoughts came back to the album, Folie à Deux, and everything happening behind the scenes back then. We always had to act the band that was still living their dream. When in reality, nothing was like a dream. We kept bugging each other until everything lead to our hiatus. This was already around seven years ago. Eight years ago Pete wrote this song. He wanted me to feel better. He knew about my problems with my self esteem. Eight years later and so much has changed. I became much more confident, that was true. Much more confident with my person and also with my job. Don't get me wrong, I always would have died for music. But back then being famous wasn't easy for me.

I thought about Pete, about how much he would do for me. I would do nearly anything for him, that was clear. But I kept wondering if he felt the same.

I turned my head and looked outside. I had a great view over New York, where we would play a show on Wintour tomorrow. It was completely dark inside and my hotel room was very high, so I could see a part of New York's skyline. I always had liked this city, but Chicago will forever be my favorite.

Suddenly I saw a beam of light from the corner of my eye. I quickly wiped away my tears and then turned my head.

Pete was standing in the door and looked like a five-year-old who wanted to crawl into his parent's bed because he was terrified of monsters under his bed.

"Wait", I said and paused my music. It was already 2am, I saw when I pressed pause.

"Can you switch on the bedside lamp or something? I don't wanna trip over you", Pete said still standing half in my room and half in the hallway.

I sighed mentally. The light coming from outside was already too much for my eyes. Adding up with my poor eyesight I only recognized Pete's outline because I knew him so well. But I never had been selfish, one of the few good sides I had.

"Sure", I said and turned over to switch on the small light.

Pete went over to me and sit down on the opposite edge of the bed. I once again turned around and grabbed my glasses.

"Everything alright?", I asked him because he really looked like a five-year-old now. Sitting there in an old shirt and boxershorts. He kept sleeping in those old shirts for some reason. I would have thrown them away long ago, but somehow he didn't want to spend money on new ones.

"Yeah sure", he mumbled, "I just had no peace of mind." Same goes for me, I thought. I wanted to ask him if the only thing that came to his mind was looking whether I was awake, but there wasn't an atmosphere for joking.

But Pete looked at me in concern.

"What?", I asked confused.

"Did you cry?", he asked but his voice sounded like he was already sure that I did.

"Nah, I just lied in complete darkness for a while", I said knowing that I didn't sound convincing at all.

"Yeah and I am Santa", he said sarcastic, "what's wrong, Patrick?"

He only called me Patrick in public or when something was really important. Otherwise he had a series of nicknames, most of them terrible.

"Nothing, everything fine", I gave it another try. We had talked about my lack of confidence so often, I didn't want to annoy him with this again.

Pete crawled next to me and pulled me into a hug. It felt so good right now. I didn't know why though. Fans keep telling me my hugs are the best but to be honest Pete's are way better. But maybe they're just for me. The warmth of his body made me feel better at once. And also the fact that it was my best friend holding me tight. Whom I could trust, for sure. I broke the hug again.

"Fine", I sighed, "I was listening to Folie, especially What a Catch, and thinking about the old times and how I'm just as fucked up as a few years ago."

"Oh no, Patrick, stop it", Pete said at once and pulled me back into the hug. Then he said more quiet into my ear: "You're perfect just the way you are."

Suddenly I felt an inner tension. He had told me stuff like "Be more confident" or "You should be happy with yourself, you're talented as fuck" or stuff like this but never used such strong words like perfect. I broke the hug again.

"I know...", I said to stop him from saying another thing like this. I didn't believe what I told him though. Then I got up. "I - I'm going to the bathroom", I stuttered, "and we should probably both get a little bit of sleep. We're playing a show tomorrow."

Then I closed the door behind me and looked into the mirror. What has happened? Why was this situation so awkward? Why did I need this hug from Pete so bad?

I rested my arms on the sink. I looked so fucked up, I should definitively try to sleep.

After really going to the toilet I went back to my bed, expecting Pete to lie in his own bed again. Instead he still was sitting on my covers.

"You sure I can leave you alone tonight?", he asked. I shouldn't have told him about my thoughts about self harm a time ago it came to my mind.

"You can", I said but I knew it sounded just as weak as my former words.

"I can't", Pete said and crawled under the blanket smiling slightly.

Thank God it was a twin bed.


	2. Pizza

When I woke up I had to suppress a moan. I felt like shit.  
Wanting to know the time but not wanting to open my eyes, I slapped the nightstand a few times until I heard a deep thud. I sighed and opened my eyes to look at the floor where my phone was now laying upside down. Glad that my hotel room had carpet so that the screen couldn't be broken, I picked up the phone and saw that it was already lunchtime. I should actually not feel that bad, considering I had slept for more than ten hours.   
Still half-asleep I unlocked my phone and checked the messages I got. When I saw that Pete had texted me I suddenly remembered last night. Wait, Pete was lying beside me when I fell asleep, didn't he? I opened the chat and read the message, hoping it would explain his absence.   
Already went downstairs. Sweet dreams <3 lol  
Well, this explains it. I looked at the time he send the message. It only was ten minutes ago, probably he still was at lunch. At least I assumed that was what he meant by downstairs. 

I got up with difficulty and changed my clothes. Then I went to the bathroom, looked into the mirror shaking my head in disbelief, put on my fedora and left the room.  
I was right, Pete was sitting in the dining room. Somehow happy that he wasn't alone I joined him and Joe. I still had to think about last night, I made a brief note up in my head.   
"Slept well?", Pete asked me smiling.   
"Not really to be honest. But what about you? You and cheerful in the morning?", I replied with raised eyebrows.  
"Dunno", he said shrugging his shoulders.   
"He took some kind of potion tonight", Joe suddenly whispered, but loud enough that we both were able to hear it, "at least that's what I assume."  
I didn't even expect him to notice my arrival before. He kept looking rapt at his phone in one hand, only interrupted by a few glances at the fork in his other hand.   
"Is that true, Pete?", I asked him chuckling slightly.   
"Oh for sure. I found it in your bedroom closet", he replied underlining the 'your'.  
Joe looked up again. "Did I miss something?", he asked.   
"I think I'm gonna get myself something to eat", I said and got up smiling slightly.   
\---  
Around two hours later I was joining the other three boys onstage for the soundcheck.   
"You arrived just at the right time", Joe informed me, "I just told Andy a secret about you."  
I looked up to Andy and saw him beaming up on the little pedestal he already played on at the last tour. They both didn't look as if they were going to tell me what this all was about. I looked over to Pete just grabbing his bass.  
"What is he talking about?", I asked him gaining an annoyed look.  
"Joe was telling him the 'secret' that we were fucking last night", Pete explained.   
"Actually that's not true, Petey", Joe said and went to the mic. I hoped it wasn't plugged in already. But it was. "I said Peterick made love last night."  
I felt how I blushed. I didn't even know why – what Joe said wasn't even true. As if.  
Andy made some kind of "aww" from behind and I looked over to Pete. He avoided me. Then I looked back to the front.  
"Ready for soundcheck?", I said into my mic avoiding the two people on my right and on my back.  
\---  
A few hours later, I found myself lying in the bunk of our tour bus. We had to drive as soon as the show was finished to be in the next city as early as possible. We had played a great show tonight despite this awkward situation at the soundcheck. I knew it only was a joke and Joe thought nothing of it, but somehow it affected me.  
Actually I wanted to go to bed early, but it was impossible with the laughter from the other end of the bus. I sighed and got up again.  
The others were sitting somewhere on the floor and Pete was just telling a joke with his mouth full of pizza. Probably as hilarious as his jokes always were. Note the sarcasm.  
They all laughed and then looked up at me.   
"Bought you one, too", Pete said pointing at an untouched box. I picked it up and sat next to them opening the box and hoping it contained my favorite. It did.   
"Thanks, Pete", I said and they all looked at me.  
"Ouuuh", Pete laughed, "see what you did there!"  
I just shook my head.   
"So, what were you guys joking about when I was trying to get some sleep?", I asked and took a bite.   
"You know, just talking about the good old times", Joe said.  
Things got more quiet as soon as I joined them and I started to feel guilty. We were all just sitting next to each other eating our pizza for a while.   
When I finished half of it, I wasn't really hungry anymore and got up. The others were talking about some ideas we could accomplish in the future. I didn't join them but got up.  
"I'm tired. I guess I'm trying to sleep a little bit", I said and they all looked at me in disbelief. Usually I was the one staying up late.  
"But...but your pizza", Pete just said pointing at my half-eaten dinner.   
"Help yourself", I said and went back to my bunk, "goodnight, guys"  
I didn't even know why I went to bed this early myself, I thought when I was changing my clothes and lying down again. It's just...something felt different.


	3. Confusion

I was just about to fall asleep when I heard a small knock from outside the curtain.

"You alright?", Pete's voice said quietly. Part of me wanted Pete to hug me just the way he did yesterday, part of me wanted him to leave. The second part won.

"Go away", I said quite harsh.  
I didn't hear anything for a moment, then his footsteps turned towards the front of the bus again.

I fell asleep crying.

\---

When I woke up the next morning, I felt way better than I did the last days. Maybe just luck, maybe because I haven't slept that many hours for a long time. When I tried to unlock my phone, I failed. It would have been a good idea to charge it overnight. On my way to find out what time it was, I remembered what happened last night. Pete was looking after me. He was asking me whether I was okay. And I send him away. Damn. Not everything better, I guess.

When I walked to the small place similar to a living room, I saw a phone lying on the table. Questioning which one it was because I didn't put my glasses on, I heard Pete from behind.

"You up that early?", he said. He did sound kind of angry. I couldn't blame him.

"Yeah...you know, I went to bed quite early", I said eyeballing him. He grabbed the phone lying on the table, so apparently it was his. Then he turned around again.

"What time is it? I don't have my glasses on", I called after him.

"But I guess you got a phone yourself", he replied not turning around again.

I slouched my shoulders and looked after Pete. Then I went after him.

"Pete?", I said following him to his bunk. He didn't respond but kept looking at his phone. 

"Can we talk?", I tried again. He shrugged his shoulders, but put away his phone.

"Should we go outside for a moment? The air isn't very good in here...", I said hoping he would understand that I didn't want anyone to listen. He did. Best friends, I guess. At least I hoped we were still best friends. But that's probably just the anxiety, we went through a lot more complicated stuff throughout the last ten, fifteen years.

I waited for the quiet "zip" the door made behind Pete. It was quite cold considering it was already March. But this thing was called Wintour, I remembered.

"So?", Pete said when I was still thinking whether it was cold because we named it Wintour or whether it was named Wintour because it's supposed to be cold. 

"I...well I wanted to say sorry", I started and paused again.

"Great", Pete simply said and wanted to turn around again.

"Wait", I stopped him and thought of the words I was thinking of earlier, "I know it wasn't right to tell you to leave...it's just, I felt so wrong yesterday." This sentence was capturing him and he asked my why. I thought about it for a moment. Whether I should tell him what I really was thinking. But he was my best friend, I had to remind me of this very often lately.

"I...I'm so confused", I told him and had to hold back the tears that suddenly wanted to fall down my face. That probably wasn't some kind of truth you expected, but it was really what I was thinking. Again his expression changed. But now it was understanding.

"I...me too...I guess", he told me.

"You know, I don't actually know what to think. Things are so awkward lately between us...but not in a negative way...", I tried to explain, raising my hands helplessly. He nodded. "You got any clue why?", I asked him.

"No idea", he said and we both had to smile. That kind of smile when there isn't even something eventually funny, you just have to smile. Because it's your best friend. And this smile reminded me that Pete will stay my best friend, whatever is going to happen.

I opened my arms to invite him to a hug. He immediately came over. And again I felt my stomach doing crazy things.

\---

"Aww look at this one", Joe just said. The four of us were sitting backstage at todays venue and going through some things we got from fans at yesterday's Meet & Greet. He showed us a drawing of the four of us, but as characters looking like they directly came out of Star Wars.

"Someone knows us very well, I guess", Pete said and I looked at him in disbelief. "What?", he looked confused.

"You basically can watch any interview of us and you'll know that we're freaking out about the movies", I told him. He sticked out his tongue. I had to laugh because Pete was still the inner five-year-old. He smiled back at me.

Things were alright between us since the conversation this morning. The tension was still there though. And I still was confused.

I kept looking at him and suddenly noticed small dimples when he was laughing. They were kind of cute...

He noticed me watching him and gave me a questioning look.

"Since when do you have dimples?", I asked him, "I just noticed them."

"Oh, you know, I bought them yesterday at the grocery. Two Dollars each", he said and I had to laugh again.

"No, seriously, I never noticed them before", I told him. He just shrugged his shoulders and continued reading a letter.

A few moments later our manager came in. "Guys, it's time to collect some new reading matter."

"Coming", Joe said and we all got up. When I wanted to leave the room, Pete held me back.

"Patrick...you know, you mean a lot to me, don't you?", he asked and had a worried face.

"At least I hope so", I said and tried to make him feel better by a stupid joke. It didn't work.

"I wanted to tell you something", he said but looked even more worried now.

"Yeah?", I asked and looked at the clock hanging on the wall, "Pete, be fast."

He looked at me for another moment, then looked away. "Never mind", he said and suddenly left the room as fast as possible. I stood there in complete confusion looking after him.


	4. "I Am Straight"

The show had been really great today, but messing around in the tour bus later was even better. It felt like the good old days when we were too young to think through what we were doing. But we were still doing it in a more adult way and it felt great. Also because I was really feeling okay again. But somehow I had the sense that Pete kept staring at me from time to time. Adding up with the situation before today's Meet & Greet where Pete obviously wanted to tell me something very important, but then decided not to do it...this was very awkward.

By now, things were getting a little more quiet and basically we all just did something on our laptops or phones. Occasionally a few words were exchanged, but the tiredness was in the air.

"Guys, I'm gonna get some sleep", Joe told us, closed his laptop and got up. Andy stretched himself and nodded. "Good idea." Pete looked up from his phone, shifting his focus between me and the other two boys. Then he hurried to also get up.

I raised one eyebrow and looked at him but he didn't react to it. Once again I was confused. It looked like he didn't want to be alone together (ha) with me, but why should he?

"I...I think I'm gonna stay up for a while", I said slowly, still watching Pete. They nodded and all said goodnight. One after the other vanished and went to the back of the bus.

After I waited for a minute, I locked my phone and put it on the small table in front of me. I grabbed one of the pillows lying on the sofa, made myself at home, then curled up. I rubbed my eyes making my glasses jump up and down, then decided I didn't need them right now and put them next to my phone. I just laid there and gazed at nothing special. I wasn't exactly tired but not exactly awake either. The hope for the light to switch himself off was huge, but I knew my chances weren't very big. So I just laid there and thought about everything. Meaning Pete. Things were really getting awkward within the last few days. Why was he suddenly behaving so different? And what did he want to tell me earlier? Nothing made sense anymore.

\---

Pete and I were standing at the beach, barefoot. The sea covered our ankles every few seconds. Out fingers were interlaced. I suddenly wondered what the people somewhere behind us thought of this scene and turned around. Nobody was there. Just untouched masses of sand. I saw Pete turn around, too.

"You alright, Trick?", he asked, nearly whispering. I nodded and looked back to him smiling.

"Why is it so empty?", I still asked him.

"It's Saturday", he just told me. Somehow I didn't realize that this wasn't a reason at all.

"I love you, Pete", I suddenly told him and felt deep in my heart that it was true. He smiled back heartwarming.

"I love you, too", he replied. I turned around and gave him a kiss on his cheek. He tried to look annoyed but he didn't really manage it.

"That wasn't right", he just said and pouted. Then he grabbed my chin gently and turned my head around so we both faced each other. Then he started to kiss me softly...

\---

"Patrick! Patrick!", a voice shouted next to my ear. It was Pete's voice. I opened my eyes slowly and realized I was still lying on the sofa in our tour bus. I had been dreaming.

I turned around so I could see what was going on. Once I saw Pete's face just in front of me, I turned around again. "Oh no", I just said, thinking of the dream I had.

"Whoa, I'm sorry, I just wanted to get you out of this shitty dream", he said and sounded slightly annoyed. Then I heard his footsteps walk away. I knew he wasn't really pissed, so I didn't care at the moment. Right now, the only important thing was me getting my shit together. Too many things were happening in the last few days. I got up, still sitting at the edge of the sofa. "I am straight", I whispered to myself.

"That important right now?", Joe asked and I nearly jumped because I didn't hear his footsteps. He stood next to the door, looking at me with raised eyebrows. Apparently he was about to get out and get some breakfast. I didn't respond and just looked at him, breathing as if I just ran a marathon.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I can go back a few steps again if you want to? And just pretend I didn't hear and tell you good morning like I planned to?", he said, still looking at me expectantly.

I finally reacted. "Yes, that would be a good idea, I guess."

He did a few steps back to where he was coming from and then said "Good morning" to me, stressing each syllable.

"Uh, good morning to you, too", I said. Joe just shook his head in confusion and then left the bus. Well, we shared that feeling, I guess.

A few minutes later I was still sitting there. Pete came up to me again, this time with two cups of coffee, putting one in front of me on the table. Then he sat down on the other sofa on my opposite. He took a sip out of his cup and kept staring at me eagerly. 

"What...?", I asked him, rather expecting an explanation by him then something for me to say.

"I'm just curious about you saying 'I love you, Pete' in your sleep", he said. I tried to read his mind, but sometimes it was impossible to do so. He had a special talent for this. I still sat there for a moment, blushing in a probably very dark red. Then I just got up and ran out of the bus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: YES, everyone does that in my stories. Running away is the solution for everything)


	5. Movie?

Without any sense of direction, I ran on and on. I only slowed down when I got out of breath. I saw a park on my right and entered it. Just a few seconds later I found a park bench and sat down. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to calm down.

"Um, sorry?", I noticed a young girl's voice. I opened my eyes. In front of me was a girl wearing a Fall Out Boy shirt, twelve, maybe thirteen years old. Could they ever stop to disturb their idols? But I reminded myself of me being the politest person in the world, so I smiled at her.

"I-I'm your biggest fan, c-can I maybe have a picture with you?", she stuttered.

"Sure", I heard myself tell her, "but you don't have to be nervous." I skipped the part that she probably wasn't my biggest fan and would be someone else's biggest fan in about a year. I know, I can be quite rude sometimes. She thanked me and ran away to another girl, which I assumed was her friend and waiting for her. I looked after her, then I concentrated on my own problems again. Because I didn't know any other possibility, I opened Google and wrote: "Am I bisexual?" I felt like everything Google found were quizzes for females. 'What society do we live in? What about confused guys?', I thought and opened a quiz seeming like it was gender-neutral. Throughout the completely crazy questions I constantly caught myself thinking of Pete when the questions actually were about men in general. About two minutes later I got my result: "You are bisexual." Well, those quizzes suck most of the time anyway, don't they? They're completely random, I told myself.  
I nearly jumped when my phone played a random melody I once wrote. 'Pete', the display said. Fine.

"Yeah?", I said trying to sound casual as if I didn't just do a quiz to find out whether I was in love with him.

"Patrick! Where are you? We're worried, is everything fine?", he nearly shouted into the phone, so I took mine a bit from my ear away. I cursed inward.

"Yeah, everything fine, I guess", I told him, not answering the question where I am.

"Good", Pete said and sounded relieved. But why was he so worried? He never really gave a damn about things like this, probably because he never wants someone to give a damn about him, too. Or maybe he just thought nobody would give a damn about him anyway.

"But where are you?", he asked again.

"I...", I started thinking of where I actually am, "I have no idea where I am."

I heard Pete laughing.

"I don't really know what's funny about that", I told him while concentrating on my surrounding and trying to remember how I got here.

"I'm sorry", Pete said still laughing. Then, after a moment of silence, he went on. "But you can use Google, don't you?"

Why exactly didn't I think of this before? It would be the first thought for normal people if they were in a situation like I was right now. I didn't ever consider myself as normal though.

"Well, Pete, I'm gonna hang up now. I have to use my phone for a moment, okay?", I said, following the path that lead me to the bench earlier.

"What? Oh yeah sure", Pete responded, "but you coming back?"

My concentration still on my location, I nodded.

"Patrick?", Pete asked because he obviously didn't get an answer.

"Yeah, sure I am", I said, "bye, I guess." - "Bye."

\---

About half an hour later, I arrived at our tour bus again. The longer I was walking back here, the more I was wondering how I got so far earlier. I was anything but athletic, how did I manage to ran that far?

I put away my phone which led me the way back, unlocked the door with our code and entered the bus.

"Patrick!", Pete shouted and immediately pulled me into a tight hug.

"'m alighd", I said.

"What?", Pete asked, still not letting go of me. Then he realized how he was holding me, then he loosened the hug.

"Thanks. I'm alright though, that's what I said."

"Oh yeah, cool", Pete said, now standing awkwardly in front of me.

'What if I kissed him right now?' The question popped up in my head from one second to another. This would be the most stupid thing I could do, I knew that. But what if? Would he slap me? And what would happen if Joe, Andy or other crew members were here and notice it? I suddenly realized what I was thinking. I couldn't use my best friend to clarify my sexuality. But was it even necessary? Or was I sure already and just didn't want to accept it? Goddammit, what was even happening?

Pete was still standing in front of me, eyeing me.

"What?", I asked.

"Oh nothing", he said, then turned around to where he had been coming from and left me in confusion again.

\---

A few hours later, I found myself sitting in another hotel room, doing a Q&A on twitter. How long didn't I do that? Weeks? months? I didn't know but people were going crazy with their tweets. When it felt like I wrote about thousand sassy answers, I wrote the last tweet in which I said goodbye and thanked them for spamming me. Just a little bit more polite. I put my phone aside and slid down, so I was just laying there and staring to the ceiling. My thoughts went back to the last hotel room I slept in. Where all my doubts started. Speaking of this, someone knocked the door. I knew it was Pete.

"Come in", I shouted.

Pete put his head round the door. He pointed to the TV on my opposite. "Do you wanna watch a movie or something?"


	6. Cool Thing

"Why?", I asked in response to Pete's question if I'd like to watch a movie.

Pete looked back at me in confusion. "Why not?" Yeah, why not. Stupid question, I told myself. I wasn't really keen on this though. Hoping that we wouldn't watch any movie with too much romantic stuff in it, I waved him over to me.

Not speaking at all, I went through the wide range the hotel offered. But in the end we choose to re-watch one of the Star Wars movies. Well, that was predictable.

\---

Exhausted due to the show we had been playing earlier, we were half asleep by the end of the movie. At the final fight I noticed Pete breathing slowly next to me. He had been drifting off to sleep. I smiled slightly, he looked so innocent. A strand fell down in his face and I tried to fix it. It didn't work though, the hairspray didn't hold it up anymore.  
In his sleep, Pete snuggled up to me. I carefully laid my arm around his shoulder, trying not to wake him up. After looking at him for a few minutes, I turned off the TV. I wasn't watching the movie anymore anyways. The sudden change of sounds around him must have woken up Pete.

"Fall back to sleep", I told him quietly. He smiled at me looking sleepy, then he closed his eyes again. My thoughts on the other hand went crazy. This crush was getting serious and the thoughts of the problems this was causing made me sick. First of all, I had been straight for 31 years. Or at least that's what I had been thinking for 31 years. But that's not the biggest problem, it was just confusing for me personally. The real problem with this was that my best friend made me realize this. The man who meant the world to me. But now even more. And I had no clue how to tell him. Should I even do that? Maybe it would be the best to just keep it to myself? I mean, I will get over it, won't I?

\---

The next thing I remember was opening my eyes in the next morning. Apparently I had been drifting off to sleep last night, too. I felt the warmth of Pete's body next to me and turned around. But by now we were just lying next to each other, not arm in arm anymore. I suddenly noticed my glasses pricking into my temple. I did not put them down last night and they moved to a hurtful position. I fixed them the way they're supposed to be and looked at Pete again, he was looking sad. 

"What's wrong?", I asked, still sleepy. He just kept looking at me.

"Pete?", I asked again. Then he sat up, not taking his eyes off me.

"I can't do this anymore", he suddenly said, got up and ran out of the room. I also sat up, still wearing yesterday's clothes, hair undone, my mouth wide open and looking at the door Pete had left open.

A few seconds later, Joe came around the corner.

"Did you tell him they're having pizza for breakfast or why is he running downstairs like a leopard?", he asked smirking. I didn't join though.

"I...", I stuttered, "I have...no clue."

Joe looked at me with raised eyebrows, then entered the room and closed the door behind him.

"Patrick", he said and sat down on my bed at me opposite. He looked like he was about to explain the thing with the birds and the bees, but didn't say anything, so I gave him a questioning look.

He repeated my name, then went on: "Why is Pete running downstairs like a madman, why are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday just like Pete and why are you keeping stuff to yourself that may be important to know?"

I looked at him. Then I blinked a few times. "I don't know."

Joe looked at me with the same look on his face. "You do."

I sighed. "Well, partly. We watched a movie yesterday and were both too tired to stay awake, that's why we didn't change. I don't get why you have a problem with someone wearing clothes too long though. And I can't explain the other two questions."

Joe still didn't give up. "You can't or you don't want to?"

"One of them I can't, one of them I don't want to", I said, hoping he would finally give up.

"Well well", Joe said and got up again, "we'll see each other at breakfast then I guess." Then he left the room and thank god also closed the door (A/N: Don't you DARE to comment what you're thinking about rn). You never knew who was staying in the same hotel as you did. I let go of a deep breath I didn't know I was holding. Then laid down again, even more questions in my head than before.

\---

When I went downstairs a few minutes later, hair done and in fresh clothes, I found nobody except for Joe sitting there.

"Well, apparently Pete didn't ran downstairs, but outside", he said when I reached him, mouth filled with breakfast.

"Oh", I just said and sat down. After about minute, Joe asked me whether I didn't want to eat anything. I just shook my head.

"Joe, I'm in love with Pete", I heard someone say. That was me.

"Cool thing", Joe said, cutting down a piece of pancakes. I looked at him, stunned. So that was it? I just confessed my crush on my best friend to him, a thing that could destroy basically our whole band if the media knew? And he just said cool? But I didn't go on. Either he really understood what I told him and will skip this topic from now on. Or he didn't and that was the even better possibility to me. I got up again. "When's soundcheck?", I asked him. "Patrick, we don't have a show today", Joe replied with his mouth full again. We didn't?

"You better not let your crush ruin your intelligence", Joe added. Okay, apparently he heard what I was saying. I just shook my head at him and left the hotel.


	7. Happy Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): Watch out. It's gettin cute.

Where was I going? I didn't know. I didn't even care. The anxiety was eating me up. Usually this wasn't me - the guy who talked to one of his best friends about something like this right away. But I guess I just had to tell it somebody. Thinking about it, I shouldn't have chosen Joe though.

Hands in my pockets, hood pulled deep in my face, I walked through Syracuse, the city we had played a show yesterday. I didn't know when we would leave to the next city, but I didn't care right now. They wouldn't leave without me anyway.

\---

About an hour later I reached a lake and found a large rock to sit down. If it even was a lake, it didn't look like the water would end somewhere.  
I had no clue what I expected from leaving the hotel and from this walk. My feelings wouldn't change, the only thing I could do was to learn how to manage them. I turned my view to the left and not that far away was sitting someone else, staring straight ahead. He looked quite similar to Pete. I looked a little bit closer and cursed myself that I didn't put my glasses back on after changing my clothes earlier. But it was really Pete, I was sure. Without having a plan what to say, I got up again and walked towards him.

"Pete?", I said when I stood right next to him.

"What you doing here?", he asked me, still not looking at me.

"Well, I could ask you the same question", I said. "Move aside."

Pete shoved up, still facing something non-existent, and I sat down beside him. For a moment, we were just staring ahead.

"Pete, what's wrong? What is it that can't you do anymore?", I asked him, looking at his face and hoping he would look back at me and just tell me. I didn't care about my own problems at the moment, I just wanted my best friend to be happy again. He didn't answer.

"Is it the same you wanted to tell me before the show a few days ago?", I wanted to know. He nodded.

"Patrick", he said and finally looked at me, "you know you mean the world to me, don't you?"

"I do", I said a little bit surprised, "why?"

"That's good", he just said and looked away again. Now I was confused even more. Did he do something wrong? And wasn't sure if I would forgive him?

"Pete, just tell me", I gave it another try. He looked down at his hands, slowly tracing the lines on his palm. Then he spoke again, so quiet that I could hardly understand him.

"Did you know I am gay?"

I stared at him, shocked.

"But...", I said, completely disrespectful, "you have slept with tons of women."

He laughed unnatural.

"I didn't want anyone to know. Not my friends, not my family. I had always been pictured as the womanizer. First in high school...the media did that job as soon as we started Fall Out Boy. And then it was too late", Pete said, his voice weak. He cried.

I didn't know what to say. He sat there next to me, my best friend who has been keeping his true sexuality secret for ages. Then my thoughts went back to myself. I remembered that I did the same thing. Right now. But still, it was different. I was sure there had been women I had loved before. And I was sure that I had no clue about also liking men before. I never even thought about this possibility.

"You don't know what to say, do you?", Pete said, looking at me. I had never seen him that sad before. I still didn't say anything, I just looked at him. Why? I didn't know. I still don't know. But maybe it was the right choice. Maybe he would never have told me everything if I had replied now.

"Well", Pete went on, "then I'll just tell you the whole truth." I looked at him and speculated whether this was the right choice to tell him my little secret, too. Or at least part of it.

The small waves of the lake were only several feet away from us, I noticed.

"Patrick, I love you."

"What?", I said. Well, at least I said something. But still, this wasn't the right answer.

Pete looked at me for a moment, tears rolling down his face. "I'm sorry." Then he got up and walked away.

Then I suddenly realized what had happened seconds ago. He loved me back. Peter Wentz loved me back. I got up and ran after him, constantly shouting his name. He turned around a few meters before I reached him. Let me tell you, someone should have filmed this whole thing. We would get more Oscars for this than any full-length movie ever got.

Then I just kissed him. And I tried to put everything into it that I failed to tell him before. And I realized how bad I had missed this all the years before. Pete didn't kiss me back though. I pulled away again and he just looked at me.

"You don't have to do that just to make me feel better, you know." Then he turned around again. Goodbye, Oscars.

"Pete, please wait", I shouted and ran after him for the second time.

"What?", he said slightly angry when he turned around for the second time.

"Pete. I didn't do this to make you feel better. I love you. I was just too scared to tell you, I was sure you wouldn't return my feelings", I told him, now starting to cry myself. I didn't know whether it was because this went so terribly wrong or whether it were tears of joy that Pete confessed his love to me. But then he kissed me. Like he never kissed someone before. Well, I didn't know whether he did, but at least it felt like this.

"Happy ending, I guess", I said when we broke the kiss again.

"No", Pete said, "this is just the beginning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N): I told you. Now you can comment the aws.


	8. Prosopagnosia

"What about you?", Pete asked me. We were walking back to the hotel hand in hand. Somehow it still felt awkward, but in a good way.

"What about me what?", I asked not getting his question.

"Well, you've 'slept with tons of women before', too," Pete said drawing quotation marks in the air with his free hand. We both knew that tons wasn't the right word for me.

"Oh", I said, "I guess my true sexuality played hide and seek for a few ages."

Pete laughed. "So you just recently found out you had feelings for men and women?"

I nodded. "You're representing the men though", I said and he laughed again.

We were walking in silence for a few minutes.

"Pete, what are we?", I suddenly asked. I always had been someone who liked to clarify things and give them a name.

"Peterick?", Pete suggested. I sighed and looked at him with an annoyed look. That wasn't the kind of name I was talking about.

"Sadly we are, yes", I said, "but you know what I'm talking about."

"What do you want to be, Patrick?", he asked. I shrugged my shoulders. I knew exactly what I wanted to. Belong to Pete.

He stopped and I did so too. We were still holding hands, so -

Pete knelt down and let go of my hand. He put out an imaginary box and pretended to hold it up. Now it was me laughing. But I stopped when I noticed the people around us staring already. This wasn't my kind of attention. Also we were celebrities, even if I didn't like to think about it this way.

"Pete, get up", I whispered. He shook his head and grinned.

"Patrick Martin Stump", he said and had to laugh himself now. We heard a little 'aww' from somewhere behind me.

"Pete, get the fuck up", I said again, "yes, I want to be your boyfriend."

He finally got up. "I think I have to reconsider this, you just said 'fuck'."

Now I really had to laugh. "Not cursing doesn't mean I'm not technically able to curse", I explained grabbing his hand again.

\---

Fully frozen we arrived at the hotel again. Hoping nobody would see us, we checked in and went into the elevator.

"So, how are we gonna tell Joe and Andy?", I asked Pete, "I mean I've talked to Joe earlier, but still."

"Don't worry", Pete said, "they know already."

"What?", I asked, my voice higher than usual, which made my 'boyfriend' laugh.

"You've talked to Joe, I've talked to him before and I mean come on - it's Andy", Pete told me pushing himself off the wall and getting out of the elevator. 

Well, that was true.

"My room or your room?", Pete asked smirking when we stood in front of my door.

"Rather Joe's or Andy's", I just said walking away from a confused Pete and knocking on Joe's door. He did an unidentifiable sound and I opened the door.

"Joe, when are we leaving?", I asked.

"How long have you actually been outside? You look like you just came out of the freezer", he said instead of giving me an answer.

"That's why we came back. But that's not an answer", I said.

"We?", Joe asked scuffing towards the door. He looked down the floor and saw Pete standing there. "Oh", he said.

Pete came over and laid one arm around me. "Well, Patrick wanted to know when we're leaving", he said. I pushed his arm away. That's not how I wanted things to go on.

"Ooooh", Joe said, then calling Andy over his back. So he has been there all the time, too. Good job, Pete.

"What is it?", Andy asked.

"I think you won the bet", Joe said.

"Wait, what?", I asked hoping I misunderstood him.

"Boys love girls and boys", Andy sang changing the lyrics of a Panic! song in a weird way when he walked back into Joe's room. This was definitely getting awkward.

"Actually boys only love boys", Pete said and looked at me for a second. "No wait, boys only love one boy."

I shook my head. "I don't care when we're leaving. Just get me when we're collected", I said and turned around to go to my own room.

I locked up the door, threw my jacket and my boots somewhere on the floor and as well as myself on the bed.  
Why did I have such a big problem with this situation? Or with Joe and Andy knowing what was going on? I didn't really care about the two of them betting on something, probably it was whether we would confess our love during this tour or not. Their whole life was a bet, so I didn't worry about this. What did I even worry about? There was nothing to worry. Joe and Andy were two of our best friends, so what's the matter with me?

Someone knocked on my door. "Patrick?", I heard Pete's voice through the door.

I sighed. "Come in."

Pete threw his stuff on the floor just like I did and laid down next to me. He put an arm around me, everything without talking a word. I turned around to him.

"I love you, Pete", I told him. He smiled and I got lost in his eyes. 

"I do, too", he said.

"You remember the dream the day before yesterday?", I asked him.

"Before you were running away? Sure", Pete told me.

"It was about you. That's why I said your name", I went on.

"I thought so", Pete said grinning, "I don't think you suffer from prosopagnosia."

"Suffer from prosody-what?", I asked.

"Prosogpanosia", he said laughing, "that's when you're unable to remember any faces or names."

"Oh yeah", I said getting closer to his lips, "I definitely have prosody-something, Paul."


End file.
